"Chairman Kaga" (mike-mckinnon)
06/30/2015 at 18:24 • Filed to: None
5
13|
"Chairman Kaga" (mike-mckinnon)
06/30/2015 at 18:24 • Filed to: None | 5
| 13 |
Went to lunch with a coworker today. Small restaurant in East Austin. I ordered then excused myself to the restroom. It was a small, old-school affair with a single urinal less than a foot away from a single toilet. No partition or anything like that. Also no lock on the door. Literally as soon as I unzipped and started to go, an older man opened the door. Normally in this sort of situation the intruder would say “oops” and back out, waiting their turn. Not this fella. He waltzed in and proceeded to greet me, then dropped trou and cop a squat. I could have touched him with my elbow. I could understand if it was an emergency situation, but this geezer is sitting there with a copy of Newsweek and humming. And my GOD if I wasn’t engaged in an Austin Powers worthy leak myself, otherwise I’d have just cut it off and dribbled my way out of old guy’s fartmosphere.
So weird.
Who does that?
For Sweden
> Chairman Kaga
06/30/2015 at 18:29 |
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Were you in East Austin, Russia?
CB
> Chairman Kaga
06/30/2015 at 18:32 |
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That’s fucking weird. And now, it’s time for urinal stories, of which I have two (both from the same washroom at the University of Ottawa, too).
First story:
So, everyone knows urinal etiquette, right? Always one stall between two dudes, no talking, no nothing. You do your business, and save any conversation for later.
Well, that doesn’t always happen. This washroom only had two urinals and no divider, making pissing awkward. So I was taking a piss, when a guy walks in and heads right up to the stall beside me. He starts going, and then he asks: “So, joining any Christian clubs?”
I sheepishly say “No”, and he finishes up and leaves without washing his hands. I finish up, and go to wash my hands. My buddy, who was in a stall by us, pops out and says “What the fuck?”, summing up what I was feeling.
Second story:
I walked into the washroom to take a piss, and another dude comes in at the same time. We both walk up to the urinals, unzip, and then... nothing. I’m awkwardly waiting for him to start pissing, he’s apparently waiting for me to start, too. We stand there for what felt like a minute before he zipped up and left.
Bathrooms are fucking weird, man.
Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
> Chairman Kaga
06/30/2015 at 18:40 |
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That’s a rather uncomfortable situation you found yourself in.
fhrblig
> Chairman Kaga
06/30/2015 at 18:53 |
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I can’t comprehend people who have no boundaries. I would have been completely skeeved out by that.
DoYouEvenShift
> Chairman Kaga
06/30/2015 at 19:13 |
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Maybe its a generational thing. Like those old dudes in the gym locker room that walk around naked greeting each other.
Toyota Sucks Lots Of Sausages
> Chairman Kaga
06/30/2015 at 19:50 |
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Was the copy of Newsweek there provided or he brought his own?
Either way, I don’t ever pick up used magazines in a public washroom, no matter how clean it looks.
desertdog5051
> Chairman Kaga
06/30/2015 at 20:04 |
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Pretend to see a bee. Faux freak out and turn and pee on his shoulder. Say, “Sorry man, but I am allergic to bee stings”. Walk out.
Xyl0c41n3
> CB
06/30/2015 at 20:09 |
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Here’s my urinal story... (yes, I have one, sort of).
Women’s restroom at work was out of commission, so we were having to use the men’s room that’s outfitted with one urinal and a toilet that’s separated by a partition and a door, even though it’s a single occupancy restroom.
The office work space is an open floor plan, but the break room and the two restrooms are behind a wall down a hallway that’s closed off with a proper door. The door to the hallway always stays closed. Always.
Anyway, I had to go, so go I went. Almost as soon as I, erm, get into position, someone tries to open the door, so I, of course, holler out “busy!” and continue about my business. Wash and dry my hands, open the door, and start walking back up the hallway (the men’s room is at the end of the hallway). First thing I notice is that the door to the hallway is open. Second thing I notice? There’s a desk that faces the hallway door, right in front of it. This guy, the creepiest guy in my entire office (I’m talking, older dude who purposely bought a 6stang instead of a V8 or a GT because it’s cheaper, and boasts that he never takes it above 65mph, plus, thinks women shouldn’t have tattoos even though he has at least one, plus, has openly and repeatedly talked about wishing gay people could be shot), yeah... this creepy old dude has left the hallway door wide open and is standing in front of it, leaning up against the desk. He’s just watching me come out of the restroom and walking down the hall. He stares the entire time is takes me to walk down the hall, and waits til I exit the hallway before he walks down and heads into the restroom himself.
Yeah... dude is creepy as fuck.
Bonus creepy dude story, just because:
Used to be a barista at starbucks. We had to clean both restrooms. I’ve got the door to the men’s room propped open (single occupancy, again) and I’m just about to start. (Mirror, sink, toilet, floor... that was my routine). So I’m wiping down the mirror and this man walks in, already undoing his fly as he goes.
With the door wide open, and me standing at the sink.
I say “Excuse me, sir, I’m sorry, but it’ll just be a moment while I clean.” He says, “No, no, it’s ok. I can still go.” So I’m like... wtf, dude?! But I tell him, “No, sir, it’s ok. I’ll just wait until you’re done,” as I back out of the restroom and close the door behind me.
So I twiddle my thumbs for a few seconds while he does his business. He opens the door, flashes me a huge smile and says thank you as he walks back into the cafe. I walk in to finish cleaning and what do I find? He has purposely urinated aaaaaalllllllll over the toilet seat and the floor around it. And he’s left urine in the bowl. Like, I’m not talking about homeboy accidentally dribbled a couple of drops on the seat, I mean he literally sprayed every single square inch of the seat, front to back. Plus the floor.
Yeah.... fuck creepy assholes. Seriously. People suck sometimes.
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CB
> Xyl0c41n3
06/30/2015 at 20:17 |
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On that second story: super fuck that guy. What a mouldy dickhole.
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Xyl0c41n3
> CB
06/30/2015 at 20:18 |
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Worst part? He was a regular, too. And we took care of our regulars. Up until that moment I had thought he was a nice dude.
XJDano
> Xyl0c41n3
06/30/2015 at 23:44 |
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I was wondering if your story was like, hey there is a urinal, let’s try this thing out...,
But fuck those guys. I would prolly called out the asshole who pissed everywhere, in the Starbucks, I front of the crowded restaurant & possibly gotten fired.
I now find myself wiping down seats prior to use not for me, but when I take my kids to the bathroom. My 2 year old doesn’t know not to touch stuff. Straight to the sinks & scrub.
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XJDano
> Chairman Kaga
06/30/2015 at 23:53 |
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I don’t think this would phase me much. As a construction laborer, we are some weird dudes.
I do uphold the urinal rules if they can be followed, but it doesn’t bother me to piss next to a guy or poop in the next stall.
I guess I may be an aggressor and grunt audibly to make it a bit awkward.
NJAnon
> Chairman Kaga
07/01/2015 at 20:56 |
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Kaga, you might as well enjoy your trips to the restroom. Even if its with another human. :)